Thinking it through
by lwrnld
Summary: Lukes thoughts before he made the call at the end of the 5th series. Who's he calling? Well it's ............ read and find out if you want, think i'm giving it away that easily
1. Who do i love?

**Thinking it through**

**Disclaimer:- Sadly i don't own anything from OTH although it would be kinda cool if i did.**

**This is just a short little one shot trying to reflect Lukes thoughts before he made the call at the end of the 5th series. Who's he calling?You decide although i did leave a little clue as to who i think he called. See if you can find it. Enjoy**

_It's been a long road the last few years. I've lived more in the last three years then I think I ever lived growing up. I've written and published one successful book and just finished another one. I've proposed to two women both for the wrong reasons. I've taken on the role of uncle and big brother that growing up I never really had despite being a big brother all of my life. I've been in love with two women and cared for others. Now it's time to take stock and think. Who am I? My name is Lucas Scott and I am in love. Who with? Well that's the problem, you see don't really know who I am in love with. It's between two women who are both important to me but which one I'm really in love with and which one I am just falling back on is hard to know._

_One of the girls I think I love is my other half in many ways. She gets who I am, what I like and what I think and doesn't judge me for my faults. She understands me when I say things that maybe aren't right for that moment and forgives me almost anything because she see that I am trying even if I don't always get to where I am going. She saves me from myself when I fear I'm failing or begin to fall apart and doesn't expect anything in return but my love._

_The other girl also gets me in a way. She looks at what I do and not only understands what I say may be slightly wrong at times she adjusts what I say so other people can see what I'm trying to say without getting hurt. She has never judged me for my faults either but only helps me to see them and offers suggestions as to how I can correct them if I want to. In a lot of ways, different to the first girl, she is also my other half. She saves me from myself when I want to brood and turn my emotions inward._

_The big problem I have is deciding between the two of them. It's a problem I've always had, deciding between the two important women in my heart. When I was in high school my inability to decide almost ruined one of the greatest friendships I've ever known. My own innate problem in choosing and sticking to that choice meant that for two whole years I flitted from one girl to another, hurting both and driving a wedge between them that almost didn't heal. Now four years later I find my self at the same point. The girls are different, well one of them is, but the problem is still the same._

_I know I have to make a choice but I don't want to hurt anyone and while I know that no matter who I choose one of the girls is going to get hurt I just can't decide, so I hurt them both. _

_Enough I have to decide and I think I have. It's time. I'd better call the girl I love before things get any worse._

"Hello?"

"It's me. I'm at the airport and I have two tickets to Vegas. Do you still want to get married?"

"I'm on my way Luke. I'll be seeing you soon"

**Oh and one final thing REVIEWS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME. BUTTONS DOWN BELOW PEOPLE. All you do do is click and type some words.**


	2. Do i hate him?

**Disclaimer:- Sadly i don't own anything from OTH although it would be kinda cool if i did.**

**This was just a short little one shot trying to reflect Lukes thoughts before he made the call at the end of the 5th series. Who's he calling?You decide although i did leave a little clue as to who i think he called. See if you can find it. For those of you who couldn't guess who it was he called here's a big clue.**

_Do I hate him? Now that's a hell of a question isn't it? Do I hate the man I love, the man who showed me what love really is. Is it possible to hate someone and still be completely in love with them at the same time or is that just some kind of weird pipe dream?_

_Who is this guy I'm talking about? Lucas Scott of course. He of the soulful blue-eyes, penetrating stares, heartfelt and heartbreaking words. Lucas Scott, the man who wrote one of the greatest stories I've ever read and I feel privileged to be a part of it. Lucas Scott, the man who saved me from myself more times than I can remember, who saved me from others almost as many times. The guy who, even after the first time I refused him, still risked his mom's considerable wrath to rescue me from some sleaze-ball who drugged my drink. The guy who cared about me so much that, despite knowing how much pain it would cause him, called my ex-boyfriend back into town when I'd pushed him away again. The guy who ran into a school building, not knowing what or who was inside, when he was told I couldn't be found and someone had fired a gun inside._

_Do I hate Lucas Scott? Yes! I hate him because although he makes mistakes like anyone he still tries to fix those mistakes (once he's figured them out that is) and people like that, those people who are just too good to be true, just bug me. I hate him because he forces me to push myself to heights I sometimes don't want to go to because I don't want to disappoint the image he has of me. I hate him for running out on me in LA all those years ago, for not calling for almost a year, after I told him I wasn't ready just yet to marry him. Most of all I hate him for, deliberately or not, leading me on for the last 5-6 months and breaking my heart all over again._

_Do I love Lucas Scott? Yes! I love him for his heart; for being the guy who, despite me pushing him away fairly often in high school, always came when I needed help whether it was to save me from a psychotic-stalker-freak or from my own insecurities. I love him for the way he makes my heart race and my skin tremble just by looking at me. I love him because he sees and has always seen me not the sarcastic-bitchy cheerleader but the vulnerable-lonely girl I guess I've always been. I love him because, despite my not wanting to sometimes, he forces me to grow just so I can meet the expectations he has of me. I love him because he has always supported me through everything, from the loss of my birth-mom to my move to LA for that damn internship. Most of all I love Lucas Scott because he is who he appears to be. A flawed, imperfect, loving, vulnerable man who has held my heart since he stood on the bridge and told me, even though he barely knew me then, if he could bring my mom back to life he would do so._

_So is it possible to hate someone completely and yet love them completely at the same time? For me, and in the case of Lucas Eugene Scott, I guess it is. But what am I going to do about it? That I still don't kno….._

**Phone rings**

"Hello?"

"It's me. I'm at the airport and I have two tickets to Vegas. Do you still want to get married?"

"I'm on my way Luke. I'll be seeing you soon"

_I guess I have my answer about what I'm going to do. I hope it's the right one. Here goes nothing._

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**Oh and one final thing REVIEWS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME. BUTTONS DOWN BELOW PEOPLE. All you do do is click and type some words. Your reviews keep me thinking and keeping me thinking helps me to write and update so...ah you get the point. Be well now people. Bye-Bye**


	3. Waiting

**Disclaimer:- Sadly i don't own anything from OTH although it would be kinda cool if i did.**

**Okay by now i reckon you should have guessed this ain't exactly a short one-shot anymore. How long it's gonna be i'm not sure yet but i'll keep going while you lot want me to and while i'm still able to think of the words to tell the story(of course if you rely on my brain then you really are out of luck...joke). Just to clear up a little bit of confusion that may have arisen, 1)I kinda plan to have each chapter be from the viewpoint of one of the two of them or maybe a few others if it gets to be that long and 2) _ITALICS _arethe thoughts of the chapters' POV character and BOLD is the actual verbal words. Okay? Enjoy!**

_Will she come or is she just screwing with me in some kind of sick revenge scheme? No scratch that, Peyton's maybe a lot of things and she definitely has her faults but she wouldn't do THAT. If she wasn't interested in coming then she wouldn't have said she would. At least I hope so._

_Now the important question. What am I gonna say to her when she gets here. Should I try to explain everything straight away or put her off until we get on the plane. Should I greet her with a "hey" and a wave or should I grab her and kiss her and never let her go again. I like the sound of the second choice but I should probably do the first one I reckon. I owe that girl so much of an explanation and apology that I reckon if I kiss her first I'll probably spend the next half hour picking up my teeth. yep I reckon that a smile and words is definitely the way to go here, it's certainly the safer way anyways._

_Where is she? She said she'll see me soon and I KNOW her house isn't that far from here, well by car anyways. I hope she really is coming and hasn't decided to pull out of com….wait there she is. I always did love the way she walked even if she does have those skinny chicken legs holding her up._

"**Hey Peyt I mmmf**" Said Lucas stumbling over his planned apology as Peyton flew at him and melded her mouth to his. There isn't much in this world that can stop Lucas from talking especially when he is trying to apologize for the BIGGEST mistake of his life but Peyton Sawyers mouth clamped onto his? Yeah that'll do it.

Peyton pulled herself away from Luke after a few minutes and looking straight into his tired eyes…sinking into them…deeper and deeper…slapped him across the chin.

"**OOOOWWWW**" complained Lucas "**what was that fo… Oh never mind I guess I deserved that didn't I**?" He smiled ruefully rubbing his jaw and carefully eyeing her hands in case she hit him again.

"**Yeah you did Luke. Now what is this about tickets to Vegas**?" Peyton smiled at him, struggling not to laugh at the look on his face (currently somewhere between a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar and a father in the hospital holding his child for the first time). "**I'll go to Vegas with you but you've got a lot of explaining to do before I'll seriously consider marrying you. I love you Luke, despite your drunken ranting the other night, but you have a serious amount of grovelling to do before I reckon I can forgive you for the other night let alone your behaviour over the last few months. Start now Rake boy**."

"When did you turn into your dad blondie?" Luke grinned at the old nickname that Peytons dad had stuck on him at their first meeting, "No scratch that question, it doesn't matter and is actually kind off-putting. I know I've a lot of explaining to do and I want to start now but if we're going to make our flight, we need to move now. Can you wait just a few minutes longer. I promise I'll explain all on the plane. Okay?" Barely waiting for Peyton's nod of agreement he grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the check-in desk knowing that he had a long flight ahead of him but If everything worked out then, by the time they landed, he'd be back to the safe place he'd been 4 years ago before he'd made the DUMBEST decision of his life. He just hoped that he could find the words to say what he wanted to say, and he kinda hoped she wouldn't hit him again as his teeth felt a bit loose after that punch.

_Damn Derek for teaching her to fight back. I'll have to have words with him about that. Maybe from a distance though in case he decides to go for me, marines are a little bit scary._

**Oh and one final thing REVIEWS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME. BUTTONS DOWN BELOW PEOPLE. All you do do is click and type some words.**


	4. Apologizing

**Disclaimer:- Sadly i don't own anything from OTH although it would be kinda cool if i did.**

**Okay by now i reckon you should have guessed this ain't exactly a short one-shot anymore. How long it's gonna be i'm not sure yet but i'll keep going while you lot want me to and while i'm still able to think of the words to tell the story(of course if you rely on my brain then you really are out of luck...joke). Just to clear up a little bit of confusion that may have arisen, 1)I kinda plan to have each chapter be from the viewpoint of one of the two of them or maybe a few others if it gets to be that long and 2) **_**ITALICS **_**arethe thoughts of the chapters' POV character and BOLD is the actual verbal words. Okay? Enjoy!**

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__What am I going to say here? Actually scratch that, I know what I have to say… the truth. I guess the big problem I have right now is how to say it without making her mad with me again. It really ain't fun when she gets mad with me y'know. Ok so lets figure out how I'm gonna say this. Peyton I love you.. yeah that's probably a good place to start, where next? I made a mistake..actually I reckon I've probably said that often enough before and if I throw that out again she really will get mad with me. How about I was wrong, wrong to lead you on before breaking up with Lindasy, wrong to blame you for what went wrong with her, wrong for not trusting you enough to know you wouldn't leave me…yeah THAT'S definitely the way to go here. Apologetic, remorseful and best of all it's everything she's said to me before and women do love to be proved right._

_Do I raise the subject of Lindsey? Y'know what lets just see where the conversation goes first. Plenty of time to worry about that later if it comes up…I guess the best place to start would b... Wait what'd she just say_

"**Hey, earth to Luke. Hello is there anyone there**" smirked Peyton "**Jeez for a writer you ain't exactly that hot with words at times are ya? I said so where's this explanation you promised me? I mean we're here, sat down and we've a long flight ahead, so make with the apologies already, then we can have make-up sex in the bathroom**".

Peyton laughed as Luke choked on his soda at THAT comment and began stammering out a piteous apology/explanation/speech.

_There are times when he is SO easy to wind up. He's even easier to embarrass than Brooke can be if you start talking about her and that night with Nathan in front of Haley. Funny thing right now is I don't even really want a full explanation of where his head is at these days. All I care about is I've got him back. For all that Lindsay was a weird chick she was really right on the money about his feelings, it's just a shame that it took him so long to realise it himself. Do I want an apology and an explanation/ I guess so but what I really want is to be held by him again, to feel safe and secure in those arms again, to watch him over the top of my sketch-pad as he read some old book, to argue over the latest La Rocca or Coldplay album. I guess most of all what I really want is MY Lucas back. Not the mature-basketball-coaching-bestselling-writer Lucas but the broody-protective-loving-strong-vulnerable Lucas, the Lucas I fell in love with. Jeez listen to him. I reckon if I don't say something pretty quick that beautiful mouth of his is going to run out of words. Of course I could just kiss him. yeah that'd shut him up, well hopefully it will anyways._

"**mmmff**" spluttered Lucas as her lips came down upon his for the second speech-interrupting time in an hour.

"**I love you Luke. I know I've said this already tonight but I do. Stop with the explanations already and just hold me. It's gonna be a long flight, I'm tired and you know I sleep better with your arms around me then I do without them**." Peyton smiled as he hesitantly wrapped his arms about her and settled her head on his shoulder. "**By the way Luke I hope you've booked a good hotel for us. I expect with all your money that we've got some kind of penthouse suite waiting**!" She sardonically mumbled as she settled down to sleep, knowing in her heart-of-hearts that whilst she wouldn't object to a penthouse suite a cardboard box would do as long as she was with him. Her last thought as she drifted off to sleep…_I'm home again, at last!_

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**Oh and one final thing REVIEWS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME. BUTTONS DOWN BELOW PEOPLE. All you do do is click and type some words. Your reviews keep me thinking and keeping me thinking helps me to write and update so...ah you get the point. Be well now people. Bye-Bye**


	5. Forgiving

**Disclaimer:- Sadly i don't own anything from OTH although it would be kinda cool if i did.**

_I read somewhere once that when you are in love and you get hurt it's like a bad cut... it'll heal but there'll always be a scar. That's how it is now between us. Oh don't get me wrong I love him now more than ever. He's the guy I go to when I struggle to get through the day, the one I go to when I need support to pick myself up after a hard day trying to rein in the egos of pig-headed rock stars. When Brooke comes to me crying over the latest argument she'd had with Owen or her cow-of-a-mom or Haley comes complaining over Nate's latest stupid comment or dumbass mistake I thank god that at the end of the day I go home to Luke. No matter how hard my day's been I know that when I go home I KNOW I'm safe and loved._

_The sad thing is despite all this I can't fully forget the pain he's caused me over the years. It's been a year since he called me that night from the airport. A year since I told him to just hold me and to forget the apology that he was struggling to make. We landed that night in Vegas, together, and I felt that night that nothing would break us apart. Of course I didn't let Luke know that. I think I must have been channelling Brooke on one of her worst PMS days because I picked at the poor boy mercilessly throughout that whole flight and the trip to the hotel. Sometimes it's soooo easy to tease Luke especially when he is out-of-his-depth and, let's face it here; emotional situations are the one area where Luke's is ALMOST always out of his depth. The wedding was...well simple and yet somehow very complicated. You see after Luke and I arrived and checked in to our hotel (the ambassadorial suite at the Bellagio no less) I'd headed for a shower and he'd sneakily called everyone at home and told them to get on a plane and get to Vegas before the next evening or they'd miss our wedding. After I got out the shower we talked actually quite a lot and by the time we finished everyone was arriving including Derek. Luke managed to organise a quite beautiful wedding very quickly taking us all up to a viewpoint about an hour out of town that looked out over this gorgeous lake and it was there on the ridge of the hill we finally married._

_After a week's honeymoon in Vegas, where I found out just how bad Luke is at blackjack (and don't even get me started on his poker skills) we headed home and moved in to his place. It was then that everything seemed to hit me and I realised that we were actually MARRIED. I guess since that morning I realised that despite how much I love Luke I hadn't fully forgave him for everything. Despite the long talks we had in Vegas both before and after the wedding I was still angry at him. I guess that's why I work as hard as I do and why I've taken over Karen's old role in our group. I needed to find a way to show Luke that despite him being everything to me other people were important to me too and sometimes he wasn't going to come first. Brooke calls it a bit of payback for him. Sometimes I forget just how perceptive that girl can be. _

_So back to the first point, for the last year the pain of how Luke treated me, giving up on us in LA, kissing me and then proposing to Lindsay, saying he loves me but still saying "I do" at the altar, for getting drunk and screaming at me "I hate you" has been festering slowly. Until today anyways. You see I finally decided to let go of the emotions ruling me. Why I did it today and not at some other point in the last year is quite simple... I won't let my child grow up in the same kind of household that Luke, Nate, Brooke and I did a broken one with either two fighting parents or just one. All I've got to do now is tell Luke. At that part should be easy anyways. Let's see just how clever he really is shall we._

Peyton held her stomach and called over to her husband where he was working on stuff for the ravens "**Luke listen, I've got something I need to tell you. You're gonna get the chance to prove you're not like Dan.**"

Peyton giggled as Luke fell backwards off his chair as the news he was going to be a dad sunk in. His face as she spoke had been a picture of confusion, dawning comprehension and wonder.

"**Yes I'm pregnant**"

_Maybe now we can have the love we should have had all those years ago, before life got in the way. The cut is finally healed..._

_I hope._

**So there we have it. Sorry for the quick jump but** **things are gonna be hell for the next few months both personally and at work and I won't have the time to follow this more clearly. Hopefully I may be able to write a follow-up to this when things settle down. Anyways enough of my sob-story. I hope you all enjoyed this and as I said before I really do value your reviews so click the button and leave one. Bye for now**


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